On Duality and Uniqueness

Often I speak in broken verses. It is hard to keep it up with life and its many downfalls. Sometimes, I speak to myself and say "is life actually a blessing?"

I myself feel that I am two persons part of me wants to pursue the highest level of my individuality which is to be unique and the other one, my weak side. The weak side of me just wants to give in to the dictates of society and certain institutions because I find it easier. To live life and know thyself and pursue that highest level of individuality is harder.

Frida Kahlo illustrates my ideas right now. This was her interpretation of how she felt, 2 Fridas. One Frida was the Mexican and the other the European. Sometimes we often come across such crossroads and it wouldn't be any easy to find solution, at times the best way is to escape.

I want to be the Ubermensch but the thing is could I be consistent in trying to be a strong individual? I value my solitude but up to which extent will I make use of it. I am a troubled teenageer confronting the absurdity of life. I then wonder why many people still try to discover ways to live longer or to live forever when all they would lead to is give themselves the greatest suffering this world could ever give, life. I got so tired of the priest telling me you are lucky to be alive because you breathe air and you are in living in the light of God. I don't go to church anymore. It was a choice I had no difficulty in deciding. When I am in that place, I feel like an automaton...no choice but to follow. Another thing is that religion makes you an idealist, and come to think of it, love at first sight...the after life...hell...evil...they are all generalized. It is an offense against me as an individual for I never get to raise my own perspective. I am still in a dual mindset yet I feel that my view on life is still a negative one, without a trace of hope.

Note: Image taken from http://web.tiscali.it/paintgallery/galleria4.htm