Justifying My Actions

I said to myself jokingly; somebody hates me therefore I exist. I use to ignore these words on many occasions already because it just came out me right at the spur of the moment. It popped out of my big mouth. Then it is already there.

It is given that somebody is angered by my presence and by that space I occupy and the things I do within that space clashes with him. I choose to merit his existence, that presence of another being who is not happy with my being there in that certain space. Given that there is a space and so is there also a place for interaction that breeds contempt.

In the event of an interaction, this individual approaches me and tells me that I am a “rotten bastard.” So he limits me as a rotten bastard. The defining aspect of the ‘am’ declares it all. In his mindset, I am a bastard and I could never go beyond that role or assumption. By simply enforcing his own reality on me, he just gave me a reason to live within that means. Thus I limit myself to being a so-called rotten bastard. As rotten bastards have a bad connotation then all things that come with the word which is mostly bad now becomes my nature. Due to this, I am encouraged to do everything to convince him that I really am one.

From this point of view, I am not being evil. It is justified that I am just trying to understand his perspective. For if I go beyond that definition he gave me then it wouldn’t make any sense for me to transcend this trait into something else, perhaps something better or something worse? It is pointless to go beyond that limitation. When an individual gives somebody an affixed meaning then he gives me an essence and in this essence there is already that purpose he imposes on me. Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, this is a free country. Freedom of speech comes in here and with that exercise he has just enabled himself greater harm or wasn’t able to save himself with the burdensome re-occurrence of that attitude of mine he seems to dislike. His words gave me two things, a limit and a purpose. It wouldn’t be any difficult for me to decide on how I am to deal with him. He already defined it for me and as much as I don’t want to be lazy and just take things as it is, I have to because I am expected to act around him in that certain aspect of my being. Going back to the limit and purpose, which could be collectively explained in the postmodernist sense wherein meanings aren’t attached to a word as a single meaning is truly limiting. In his position he has self-limited me and gave me that limit. The limit that comes with being a rotten bastard and the purpose that could come along with one is someone who is of a nuisance or causes great annoyance towards him. He gave me the right to own the word and the nature of one is now mine. As the right is passed on to me, I now serve the purpose of a rotten bastard which to him is annoying. It then becomes his fault why I would continue to behave in that certain context or attitude that he dislikes of me.

Change is a violation. If I try to change then, I will disrespect him because in his credited attempt to impose his own reality on me, I couldn’t just turn the tables as if changing clothes. This means that if I try to prove him that I am a nice person then that means that I am not meriting his claims on me. I do not let him practice his own subjectivity and as individuals are bound to it, I create a grave offense against the individual. If I go beyond that rotten bastard stereotype or trait that he associated with me, it will be of no use because what will I try to prove now. There is no room for further change, meaning, or discourse as all is complete. He has perfected the notion of my being an existing individual as that. What seems to be very crucial here is one’s words. No matter how angry you are to a person, you should watch every single word coming out of your mouth. As it was his choice to be careless with his language then it is now his inescapable fate that I remain a rotten bastard towards him. It was never my fault. If he acted out of impulse and that approach served as an outpour of emotions, then it was his choice. You could opt to settle it in different ways. That is why there is such a thing we call as creativity. Still, what remains an important matter is the choice of words. In talking, you may sound subjective but that subjectivity of yours could also act as a tool to either pursue your uniqueness or as something for others to see some fault in you.

(NOTE: Images by photographer Melvin Sokolsky. The guy is a famous fashion photographer and since I am talking about limitation due to the use of definitions, these photos capture essence of what I am talking about. To be confined is to be defined, there are no left and right turns.)